We Knew the Minute the Cell Phone Rang

Last night was supposed to be the first real Date Night that Marty and I had had in years.  A night that was planned out just for us.  A friend of ours had offered to watch our kids as a gift so that we could go out and have adult time together since things had been so crazy since the baby was born.  A free adult babysitter with no curfew who could drive herself and was encouraging us to stay out as late as we wanted, this was like finding Big Foot, The Loch Ness Monster and a Unicorn all rolled in to one.  It just doesn't happen in our world.  I can count on one hand the number of times that Marty and I have gotten to go out on a "date" since we had kids, so, needless to say, leading up to last night we were giddy, just giddy about the prospect of getting to spend some time together. 

We didn't have big plans, just dinner, a movie (that was not animated), dessert and adult conversation.  It's funny how when you have kids, your idea of a special evening changes, but when you haven't seen an adult movie together in a movie theater for over 2 years, getting to do so and be part of the world that doesn't involved the Disney Channel, cutting anyone's food or constant conversation interruptions it is a very big deal.

We left the house with very little fanfare, the children happily eating pizza, which was purchased so that they could have a treat as well.  In order to make it to the movie on time, we chose a restaurant near the mall and had a lovely, albeit brief, meal.  We got to the movie during the previews and, after a little fussiness from Teddy that involved watching part of the movie standing in the doorway until he fell asleep, Marty and I were sitting side by side enjoying each other's company.

The minute his cell phone went off and Marty whispered, "It's the house." I knew that Rachel was having some sort of fit and we would be going home.  The thing about Rachel is that she hates to miss anything that she thinks might be fun.  She lives in constant fear that people are having fun that she is not a part of and, as she has expressed vehemently many time, that it is just "not fair."  The last time this happened, when we went to a fund raiser, she had worked herself into such hysterics that it took us 15 minutes to calm her down over the phone, the entire time answering the same question over and over, "What are you doing?"  Last night, Rachel, who had been fine all day, had thrown up in her bed (something she can almost do at will, no, seriously, she can).  We left the movie, got in the car and drove home. 

I went up to check on Rachel and make her bed.  When I told her that we would have to throw out the left over pizza because it had obviously made her sick she said, "No.  I'm fine now.  I feel all better.  Really Mommy I'm not sick."  I almost cried because she had just confirmed what I had suspected from the moment the cell phone rang.  She was fine and had just convinced herself that we were out having fun without her and it was more than she could handle.  A point confirmed when Marty told me that while he was on the phone with her, after telling him that she threw up, the first words out of her mouth were, "What are you and Mommy doing?"  We had acted excited about getting to do something, something that did not involve the kids, Rachel convinced herself that she was missing out, and our evening came to abrupt haul.  I'm not saying that she did it in any premeditated or malicious way, it is just what happened.

I am just so sad and angry that our evening got wrecked.  I feel guilty for being so angry, but we do so much that is "special" for the kids that to have something that was supposed to be special just for us is such a rare treat and I don't know when it will happen again.  Plus, it wasn’t even that “special” or unusual. It was dinner and a movie, not a trip to Hawaii. Nevertheless, it was special to us.  What makes it worse is that it was wrecked precisely because it was special.  If we had told the kids that we were going to a meeting and had never acted excited, this debacle never would not have happened, but because we acted excited, enjoying the anticipation of our evening, and treated our night out as something special, it was cut short.  Sometimes being the parent sucks

Comments

[Mayhem]

Well, it's good for your kids to see you excited to spend time away from them together, too...

Is she the kind of girl who might do better with more preparation and advanced notice of when you are leaving, where you are going and when you're coming back?

[Laundry & Children]

We did tell her what we would be doing, where we were going and that we would be home after she went to bed.

We decided that the best way to handle the situation is to treat her as though she were really sick, despite her protests to the contrary in the light of day. She has had to rest in her room so as to not spread her germs and sickness to her brothers. She has been allowed to listen to the radio, draw and read (quiet activities). She has also had to eat a bland diet to giver her stomache a rest. I have been kind and sympathetic, but if she is going to play sick, she is going to be treated as though she is sick. The boys on the other hand, the healthy children, have played, watched movies and baked cookies, much to the chagrin of their sister.

I have repeated to her over and over that this is not punishment, but that I would not be a good mommy if I let a sick child over exhurt herself or spread her illness to her brothers. I think she is getting the message that being healthy is more fun than being sick.

[DeAnna]

You poor thing! I know the feeling of wanting a night out where I can actually hold my husbands hand and have a real conversation without having to spell any words (since mine are still young enough to do that) and where I only have to feed myself and handle my own bathroom duties. :) I think its a good idea that you are still treating her like she is sick, even though you are mentioning that its not "punishment", maybe it will be enough so that she won't do this to you guys again.

[Mel]

How frustrating! I hope you get another night out soon.