The Christmas Letter I Would Like to Send

If only our lives were as great as our Christmas letters make them sound.  Everyone would be traveling.  Kids would be doing great in school.  Everything would be peaceful and calm.  I'm as guilty as the next person.  I just finished our Christmas card complete with a note about how everyone is doing and, surprise surprise, we are all doing GREAT!!!!

However, if it weren't so darned un-Christmasy, this would be a more accurate accounting of our year.

Dear Friends and Family,

My goodness 2007 has been quite a year in the Nohe household.  I don't think that we told you in last year's letter that we were expecting, but this July 5th little Theodore Robert joined the Nohe clan.  He weighed in at 8 lbs 9 oz, but more impressive was his 14 3/4 inch head.  Having that head pressing down on her bladder all day and having an excessive amount of amniotic fluid which made her so big she needed a beeper when she backed up made the end of Kris' pregnancy very pleasant for her and all with whom she came in contact.  Thankfully it was also very hot throughout the month of June, so she could have the trifecta of pregnancy: swollen feet, enormous girth and profuse sweating.

Teddy, as we call him, is a very sweet baby and terribly social.  In fact, any time you put him down it is so upsetting to him that he just cries and cries.  He cries at home.  He cries in the car.  He cries in shopping carts at Wal-Mart (but then I think he is just trying to fit in with the othe babies).  The blessing of all the time Kris has spent carrying this 15 pound baby around was made evident when she was able to bowl a 170 last month including a Turkey (3 strikes in a row for those of you who socialize outside of the bowling ally).

Teddy also has two new teeth already, which has turned nursing in to a new contact sport in which Kris tries to anticipate Teddy's mood enough to unlatch before he bites the living heck out of her with his little razor blade like choppers.  Kris is usually alright during the day, but at night, no he is not sleeping through the night yet, Teddy generally takes advantage of Kris' grogginess and Marty is shot out of bed by the horror film like scream emanating from his wife.

The other children are doing well.  Of course, we are all glad that Jack can finally walk now.  The child didn't take his first step until he was 19 months old and the family even had his motor skills tested.  In true Jack like fashion, the day after the poor Occupational Therapist braved the ice storm to get to our house, he decided to start walking.  He has also started talking.  He has the normal "Mama," "Daddy" and "No," but also, anytime he farts, he starts yelling "Cat!  Cat!  Cat!"  I think he thinks we are going to be fooled and start looking for this mysterious flatulent cat.

Jack is also developing his artistic side.  His favorite medium is marker on wall.  Kris and Marty are considering buying stock in Magic Eraser.  He has also discovered a deep love for all things chocolate and can unwrap a Hershey kiss and pop it in his mouth faster than an adult can run across a room.  Finally, we think we may have a future St. Francis on our hands, because Jack has given up on material things.  Well not all things, mainly just clothes.  His mother often finds him roaming around the house completely naked.  He has also become down right truculent.

Rachel is doing very well in school.  She has even picked up some extra curricular activities, namely eye rolling and dancing to store muzac.  It has been a miracle that this girl has been knocked on her ceester by a cart or moving pallet when she gets all Martha Graham at Target.

Nicholas' life was thrown in to a bit of a tizzy this year, what with all the Thomas the Tank Engine recalls.  We did have a few casualties, but Nicholas seems to be handling it well.  He sure does love trains.  Now that he has recruited Jack in to his cult like obsession with "The Really Useful Engine" we know we are in this for the long haul (get it long haul, trains...nevermind.)

Another change was that Nicholas started to homeschool this year, which has been great because now Kris has someone else to add to her "Stay in your pajamas until 1 o'clock all the time hoping no one comes to the door" lifestyle.  Everyone knows that all stay-at-home-moms do is sit around letting the children destroy the house while they eat bon bons and watch their stories.

Since having 4 children in 2 and a half years, Kris has picked up a new habit, falling asleep on the couch at 8:30 PM.  She hasn't had a full night's sleep since May and she still doesn't quite fit back in to all her pre-pregnancy clothes.  She also started having the groceries delivered, because by the time she puts the toddler and the baby in the cart there is no room for food, but that's alright because whenever she puts something in the cart, Jack turns around, picks it up and throws it on the ground.  Finally, since the baby all but refuses to drink from a bottle, she has had about 10 hours away from him since he was born.  However, the ring of the phone and the promise of adult conversation will send Kris running across the house like it was on fire.

Marty is a busy, busy guy.  Since he was just re-elected to the Board of Supervisors, the family is in for 4 more years of insane scheduling, people calling the house to complain about their neighbor's barking dog and folks wanting to talk politics at inopportune moments, like during the birth of his son (yes that did happen).

Well, that is our year in a nut shell.  We hope this letter finds you having a very Merry Christmas.  We will be taking time to enjoy this holiday season right after we finish putting up the last decoration, hanging the last light and baking the last cookie, which at the rate we are going should be about February 3rd.

Love,
The Nohes

Comments

[GG at VB]

This is by far the very best Christmas letter I ever read. Tears were streaming down my face and your Dad had to ask me to "Please stop that howling." I love this letter!! You might consider selling it w/ a search and replace option so others can use it as their own. Great work!

[susiej]

I would love to send this as well -- it's great.