Nohe 5

Is She Hitting the Sauce

There is no busing at my daughter's school.  So my husband brings her in to school and I pick her up in the afternoon with the rest of the minivan brigade.

In order to fit all the parents in to the parking lot we fill up every possible space forming row after row, even filling in the isles.  Once you are parked, there is no way to get out until dismissal at which point they release one row at a time.  There is a teacher at the front of the row to tell the first car when to start and a teacher at the back of the row to direct parents around the unoccupied cars of people with other business at the church.  Trust me, this is all important to the story I am about to relay.

So yesterday, we got to the school at about 2:40 (school gets out at 3:00).  I got in my row and was quickly surrounded by other parents in the overflowing parking lot.  I turned on the DVD player for the boys and tried to take a few minutes to recover from yesterday's ordeal at the pediatricians.  I don't even remember closing my eyes, but when I opened them, I was sitting in an empty parking lot.  It was like a scene out of a science fiction movie.  I blinked and apparently everyone was sucked up to the Mother Ship.

I looked at the clock, 3:15.  HOLY CRAP!  I had been asleep in my car for over a half an hour, probably with my mouth hanging open.  Dismissal had come and gone.  Parents had filed past my car to gather up their children.  A teacher had directed cars around my car.  I have no idea how many people witnessed my Jell-O neck, slack jawed nap in the parking lot, but in my mind it was dozens.

What surprises me was that no one tapped on my window to wake me up.  Wait.  What if someone did and I was just too zonked to notice?  Great.  Now the rumor around the PTA is going to be that I must be hitting the sauce in the middle of the day.

I quickly got in line with the parents who were legitimately late to pick up their kids.  You know people with jobs, lives, too much responsibility to be taking a siesta in their car.  When Rachel noticed me, she yelled out, "Where were you?" with all the indignity of someone abandoned at school.  I tried to explain that Mommy had gotten there on time, but had to take a detour at Dreamland between arriving at the school and actually picking her up.

I think that I am going to have to have a Red Bull with a Jolt chaser before I pick Rachel up from school today.

Sometimes I Want To Go, Where Everybody...

doesn't know my kids name.

I swear, by the time we actually got to see the doctor for Nicholas' five year old check up this morning, I was going to ask them to re-measure him because we had been waiting so long I was sure that he had had time to grow.

We waited in the waiting room (an aptly named room) for over 40 minutes.  Now if I were quietly sitting reading a book, I might have been annoyed with the wait, but I was not quietly reading a book.  Instead, I was chasing a very active imp who tried to monopolize all the chairs to the point that if another kid tried to sit down he would pull the chair out from under them yelling "Mine!  Mine!  Mine!  My sit.  My sit."

I must have said, "Jack Stop It!" or "Jack!  No!" about 587,652 times.  The room was split on their feelings about Jack.  About half the folks just kept giving me looks of pity, "Oh that poor woman.  He is such a handful.  And look she had two others as well.  I'm glad my child doesn't act like that."  The other half of the room was fashioning a muzzle out of bottles and baby blankets.

When they finally called us back I breathed a sigh of relief that we would finally be in a confined area and away from curious stares so that I could drop the loving, patient, mothering lilt from my voice and just tell Jack to calm the hell down and be quiet.  But, instead of taking us to the normal exam room (which is about the size of a walk in closet), the nurse did all of Nicholas' vitals in the hall which wasn't a problem until they needed a urine sample.

Nicholas, whose aim still leaves a little to be desired, was peeing all over my hand while I held the cup as I stood on one leg using the other to try to stop Jack from taking off his diaper.  I washed my hands, re-dressed the boys and headed off to the closet sized exam room.

I am not sure what my doctor was thinking when she installed these handles in the exam room.  They aren't the round ones, but rather this type.

Well you can imagine how well those hold in the likes of Tornado Jack.  He just waits till I am distracted, pulls down in the handle and lets the sweet smell of freedom fill his lungs as he goes running down the hall screaming at the top of his lungs.

This happened three times.  The last time I was nursing Teddy when Jack took off.  I tried to pull my shirt over my exposed breast before heading down the hall, but I have a feeling that a few of the fathers got a free show.

The third time I went after him down the hall, I saw a couple of parents of infants looking at me in horror.  I would have said, "Hey, don't give me that look.  In about 18 months, this is your future your looking at.  Be afraid, be very afraid."

Also, on the trip back to the exam room after extracting Jack from the Doctor's person office where he was banging on the computer's key board, I heard the nurse in with Nicholas and him explaining, "Don't worry.  My mom will be right back.  She's trying to catch my brother."  I am waiting for DSS to show up any minute.

After about two hours we finally left the doctors office.  Nicholas got a clean bill of health, a prediction that he if he stays on this growth path he will be at least 6 foot 2, and a rather large shot (but he didn't even cry my brave boy).  Both boys got a lollipop for waiting so long, because that is exactly what Jack needed, sugar.

Happy Birthday Nicky Pants!

Your aunt said it best the other day when she said, "Who would have ever thought that Nicholas would be the calm one?"  You have come a long way my baby boy.

You are one of the kindest children I have ever known.  You care that your siblings are happy and, when Mommy is having a rough day, you are there to give me a rub on the back and an encouraging word.  Your love of babies only slightly nudges out your love for trains.  This was the third birthday in a row in which I made a train cake for your party.

I am so proud of how smart you are.  You are absolutely scary smart.  I have to stop you from doing your big sister's homework. You are already reading and don't even get me started on how good you are in Math.  I worry that we won't be able to homeschool as long as I'd like because you are going to go all Doogie Houser on me.

Funny, boy oh boy are you funny.  You are starting to learn how to tell jokes that actually have a punch line.  But, the funniest things you say are when you point out how obvious the world is and question why the rest of us just don't seem to see things like you do.  This happens a lot when you are trying to negotiate a point.  The phrase, "Don't worry" or "Perfect" is always on your lips.

You seem to be my only kid who has the ability to look and see if I am in the middle of something before you ask me to help you with something.  I love when you say, "Mommy, when you are done doing your thing there, could get me some juice?"  If I get distracted and forget (because that never happens) you will gently say, "Mommy, did you forget that you were going to get me some juice?"

Even though you are getting so big, you are still my cuddle bug and happy to curl up on Mommy's lap and tell me your secrets.  I hope that we will always stay so close.

Happy 5th Birthday Nicholas.  Even though you are anxious to grow up, I wish that I could slow down the hands of time and keep you my little boy forever.

Rest in the Peace of the Lord

My Great Aunt Josephine Zuzevich passed away this morning.  I am glad for her that her long suffering is over, but I am sad for my family that we will no longer have this great lady among us. 

I keep imagine her entering heavens gates her husband, sister and parents waiting to greet her.  Having been apart all these years, I am sure that my grandmother's first words were something like, "Josie!  Welcome to heaven!  I have so much to talk to you about."

I remember after the surprise birthday party that everyone threw for Josie's 80th birthday, she had everyone back to her house.  The place was loud, happy and full of love.  Even though we had all just eaten, she was pulling out whatever food she had in the fridge and fixing plates left and right.  That was the kind of lady she was.  You throw her a surprise party and in the end she is taking care of you.

Josie, you raised 6 wonderful children who went on to give you a plethora of grandchildren.  They will carry a piece of you with them on earth for the rest of their days until we can all be together again.  I will miss you.

They Grow Up So Fast

Yes the baby is sitting up on his own and I just can't seem to keep Nicholas in pants.

A Snow Day

Yesterday Rachel got out of school early because of the snow.  The downside was that the school gave me 25 minutes notice and it takes at least that long to just drive to her school (there are no buses).  So, while I was waiting in line with the other late parents at 12:30 Rachel had the school call me on my cell to make sure I knew that they had gotten out early.  Trust, thy name is not Rachel.

The upside was that the kids had a great time in the snow.  At first Jack had no use for the stuff, didn't even want to walk on it.  Then he found out that you could eat it, throw it and roll around in it and mommy wouldn't fuss about any of it.  Suddenly Jack was all in to the snow.

There were some pretty fearsome snowball fights, some rather large snowballs that were not thrown due a warning from mom what would happen if you throw that at your little brother and then there was just throwing snow up in the air randomly so that it would fall down and hit them in the heads.  In the end, everyone came inside for movies, cocoa and a hot fire.

HazMato and Jack- Never the Two Should Meet

My good friend Tracy has just launched in to the world of blogging with HazMato, about her dog and his training.  So far it is highly entertaining.  However, it reminds me of a little guy we like to call Hurricane Jack.  So in honor of Mato and his history of destruction, I give you Jack greatest hits.  By the way, the chocolate incidents were two separate events.

We Are Going To Be On Ellen

The Ellen Show just called us to tell us that they will be using a picture we sent in tomorrow (Wednesday) on the show.  So check us if you get a chance.

We've All Had Those Days

For more parenting funnies check out Finslippy.

HE IS ASLEEP IN HIS CRIB

TEDDY IS ASLEEP IN HIS CRIB!!!!!

He even woke up a little and was able to settle himself back down.  Wonder of wonder!  Miracle of miracles!

In other news...

Nicholas, ever serious about his eating, has grown a second row of teeth...like a shark.  Actually, it is just that his adult teeth are coming in before his baby teeth have fallen out.  So on Wednesday, if the teeth haven't fallen out, we are off to the dentist.  Wish me luck!