Laundry and Children

My Willful Children

Today is one of those days when I would very much like to get in my car and go for a drive for 3 hours alone.  I think that is about how long it would take me to decompress from the stress of dealing with four certain children who call me Mom.

They are simply being willful children.  The sit and stare at school work that we have have gone over 6 times and then simply state, "I don't know how to do it."  How can you not know how to do it?  We have been doing this for months.  I will not give them the answers, which I guess makes me willful too.  But I know that they know how to do the work I have given them.  They just want to take the easy way out and get me to tell them the answer so that we can move on to the next thing.  Well, I won't do it.  How will they know that they know something if I just give them the answer?  So the battle rages on.

Rachel sat and looked at the same 5 coins for 45 minutes.  She cried, she screamed and she insisted that she would NEVER figure it out.  Well, guess what?  She did.  Then she proceeded to sit in front of a second set of 8 coins for over an hour inisting that she would NEVER FIGURE IT OUT.  Well, about 5 minutes ago, she quit screaming, calmly looked at the coins and counted them correctly.

Nicholas' fit was over not wanting to write out a Spelling word that he missed and now he is trying to wait me out on his Math Fact Sheet.  I think he has finally caved and is actually writing down the correct answers instead of just writing 1 for all of them.

Jack and I are in a battle of wills over a spilled box of crayons.  He dumped them out this morning and I am insisting that since he made the mess, he be the one that cleans it up.  He has tried everything to get out of doing this simple task including throwing himself down two stairs on to the floor, eating crayons and enduring an exhaustive amount of time out.  He will clean up these crayons today.  He needs to learn that if you make a mess you are responsible for cleaning it up.  One can not go through life like a hurricane leaving a wake of distruction behind.  He is three years old and perfectly capable of putting crayons in a box.  In fact he had almost done it at one point, but then he dumped them out again.

Teddy actually hasn't been that defiant, but I think he is just looking for his opportunity.  He is a sneaky one, that baby of mine.

Beer me strength.

I Am Too Tired to Organize My Thoughts

I knew I was in for a glorious day when I was still in bed and Marty brought me a toddler in nothing but a diaper along with the explanation that said toddler's bed is probably disgusting, but he didn't want to wake up Nicholas so he didn't investigate in the light (we later discovered that it was disgusting and that Goodnight Gorilla had taken the brunt of the mess).  Next, as I stagged from my bed to the bathroom, I was greeted by my oldest son with, "Mom I peed in my bed and I need new clothes to wear."  Through all of this, Teddy was serenading us with his morning lament.  Ahhhh, motherhood.

Poor Jack is a sick little guy.  I have been calling him Baboon Butt because his little tush is so red.  He has been battling a rather bad bout of diarrhea for the last few days.  It is so bad that it has been waking him up at night.  Yesterday morning we were up at 4AM and last night he and I had a solid hour of cuddling, changing diapers and hugging while Jack sat on the toilet.  The only silver lining that I can find is that Jack has been more willing to potty train because he hates getting his diaper changed because he is so sensitive down there.

Nicholas decided that he didn't want to ride a bike with training wheels.  So, he found his sister's old bike, climbed on and rode it on the first try.  I couldn't help noticing how differently this experience was for Rachel and Nicholas and how it really highlights a personality difference between the two.  When Rachel had her training wheels removed, even though it was her idea, there was much crying, gnashing of teeth and protests that she would "never be able to ride her bike."  Of course she learned to do it in under an hour.  They are just such different kids.  Rachel finds the drama in the ordinary and Nicholas is rarely fazed by much.  One is not better than the other, just different.

Last night was high hippie night at the grocery store.  By the time I was checking out at 11PM the only registers open were the self service kind.  There were three young adults there who were completely baffled by the machines.  They kept saying things like, "Hey, I scanned my item, put in money and got a recipe.  That's so cool!"  Or sending an employee to try to figure out where the change had gone when it was in the hippie's hand.  They capped this off with the statement, "Oh, my bad.  I had it in my hand the whole time.  Coooool!"  Gotta love shopping at night.

John McCain is coming to our county on Saturday.  Marty's been working very closely with the McCain people to make this happen.  I am proud of him and glad that I am married to a man who can get things done.

Over at Candle at Both Ends we are solving our countries health care crisis.  Come see what happens when Republicans and Democrats talk civilly to each other.  This kind of discourse makes me think that we need more moms in Washington and fewer children politicians.

Someday I will finish the Halloween costumes.  Hopefully it will be before October 31st.

OK, I have spent enough time with my random bloggy thoughts.  Can you tell that I am stalling?  After I finish typing it is back to the reality of wet and stinky kids.  It makes me think of this scene from Pulp Fiction (a movie I have never really understood or enjoyed, however I do like this scene).  I guess my children are filthy animals.  Thank goodness they have a good personality.  Personality goes a long way.

Sign of the Times

I saw this message in the window of a store called The Dollar Store.  Apparently they need to change the name.  Please note the sunglasses for sale for $5 in the background.  I love that they end their little diatribe with Peace.  You know a teenager or beach bum wrote this sign.

Working Really Hard, Not Getting A Lot Done

I am sure that every mother feels this way from time to time.  Good golly, I am working really hard, but I am not getting much done.  At the end of the day I am tired, but there are still piles of laundry all over the house, a sink full of dishes, unfinished projects on all sides and yet I feel like I was in constant motion from the moment the kids woke up until their heads hit the pillow.  Where is all of my effort going?

This has been me in a big way.  So I am calling a "Do Over."  You remember "Do Overs" from when you were a kid.  You're doing something, playing a game, reading a school paper,  basically you canbe doing anything and you mess up.  When you were a kid, all you had to do was call "Do Over" and it was like you got a clean slate to try again.  My sister was the queen of the "Do Over," especially when singing a song.  She would literally start over 5 times in one song.  But I digress.

Well, last week just got aways from me.  I got behind on everything.  My house is a disaster.  School work wasn't completed effectively.  Thank goodness that it is going to be 80 degrees today because no one has clean long pants.  I need a "Do Over."  And that is what I am going to do.

Starting today I am not behind.  Sure I have a lot to do, but I am starting fresh.  We will re-do this week of school.  I will get started on the laundry a fresh.  I will begin a new week of menus for dinners using stuff I didn't use last week.  It is a clean slate.  A "Do Over."

The best thing about a "Do Over" is that there is no guilt involved.  You just "Do Over."

What's Keeping Me Up at Night

I haven't been sleeping lately.  I wake up after fitful dreams or gritting my teeth.  What is it that is keeping me up at night?  The Presidential election?  The economy?  My anticipation of the season premier of 30 Rock?  No.  I am fighting with my church only they don't seem to know it yet.  I was brought up believing that you shouldn't question the church.  You don't want to be a "cafeteria Catholic" as my grandmother used to say.  And that is what has been keeping me up.  I feel like my parish and I are in the middle of a break up and it is breaking my heart.

I try very hard to be a good Catholic, but lately my parish is making it very hard.  In fact, I have been so hurt by some of the staff lately that we went to another church last week because I could not set foot in my church without bitterness in my heart.  I have found myself literally crying lately because I feel like every time I go there the people that I interact with are filled with judgment, indifference or are more interested in getting boxes checked off on a form than actually being the keepers of God's house.

We are getting Teddy baptized in two weeks.  I feel like all the joy of that event has been removed.  I haven't even sent out invitations because I am just not excited about it.  It feels more like a burden than a celebration.  Almost every interaction that I have had with the parish in regards to this event has been negative.  When I went to sign up for the baptism I was told that I would have to re-take the class.  Mind you that we had all of our kids baptized just two years ago and, to the best of my knowledge, the church hasn't changed the sacrament, but rules are rules so we agreed to go.  When I told the woman at the front desk that only one of the parents would be able to attend, she gave me a face full of attitude about how it is important that both parents attend.  I pointed out my 4 children and told her that someone had to stay at home with them.

After we had checked the class box, I called to sign up for the actual baptism.  I once again got to deal with Miss Attitude.  In a very condescending tone, she told me that they would need documentation for the Godparents.  I told her that the Godfather was a member of our parish so that they would have that.  Then she went on to tell me that our Godmother of choice would not be a "real Godparent" because she isn't Catholic.  As if that were not bad enough, she went on to say, "Do you want to pick someone else who could be a real Godparent because this person is just a Christian Witness not a real Godparent?"  She used the phrase "real Godparent" about 3 times.  I was so flabbergasted that I could hardly speak, so all I said was No.  We put a lot of thought into who we chose as Godparents for Teddy.  We believe that the people we have chosen are the best suited to guide our child.  They love him and they live the kinds of Christian lives that we want him to aspire to.  Who is this woman to question that?

If this were the only person I was having a problem with I would chock it up to one person with an attitude problem.  But then we started dealing with the Religious Education Director (Let's call him RED).  My husband attended the mandatory parents meeting instead of me, but apparently RED told the parents that if they miss Mass that the children will be told during class that their parents will be going to Hell for committing a Mortal Sin, but that the children will not need to worry because they won't be going to Hell because they are only children and do not have the power to get themselves to Mass on their own.  What?!?!?  I understand that missing Mass is not good and that we should go to Confession and all that.  But this man just told a group of parents that he was going to tell their children they were going to Hell.  Way to produce some freaked out kids who live in fear of ever missing Mass.  I thought the days of the Catholic Church ruling by fear were behind us, but apparently I was wrong.

I got my own chance to deal with RED when I went it to have a meeting about doing Rachel and Nicholas' religious education as part of our homeschool studies.  The kids and I showed up for our 10AM meeting with him and then watched him have a phone conversation for 20 minutes while I tried to keep a toddler and a baby from destroying the place because they were hungry and bored.  Wait, correct that.  It was two phone conversations because when he took the second call RED told us that he had told the person from the original call to call back even though we were sitting in the room with him.  Clearly he thinks that his time is much more important than mine.  This point was further cemented when he brought a teacher from the school into the office to discuss classroom transparencies during our meeting.  Actually, he did this twice, each time with the same teacher.

It didn't get any better when I was talking to him.  First, after I had been sitting there for 20 minutes he asked, who I was and why I was there.  I had spoken with him on the phone and he had suggested this meeting.  Then he wanted to meet weekly.  If I were going to do that I would just put Rachel in the class.  So he agreed on monthly.  Then he told me that he would like me to do a chapter a day from the text book that we could "get it out of the way."  This would be the text book that the rest of the students will use over the course of the whole year, but I should cover all of it in a month.  Then he pulls out at least 5 to 7 additional supplemental books.  Granted they weren't large, but he wants me to teach these also at the rate of one a month.  And then he pulled out a big white binder and then went to run off some additional copies of more paper (it was during the copying that he brought in the teacher the first time).  Either RED was completely unprepared for our meeting, he thinks that homeschoolers should be held to a higher and more difficult standard than classroom taught students, or both.

Then things got really interesting.  RED started telling me what was going to happen during these monthly meeting we are supposed to have.  He told me how he was going to test Rachel and how he "would try to trick her and mess her up."  WHAT?!?!?  TRICK HER?!?!?  MESS HER UP?!?!?  Then he went on to say that she had to be letter perfect or she would be "delayed."  Not that she would need to know the concepts or be familiar with the ideas.  No, apparently in his view in order to be prepared to receive the sacraments one must be a good memorizer. 

What kind of relationship does this person want children to have with their church?  When I was growing up I looked forward to going to church and I took pride in being Catholic.  Now RED is going to tell them that their parents are going to Hell and will be trying to trick them so that they can prove themselves.  This is not the type of church family that I want my children to grow up in.

I am sorry that this post was so long and so negative.  I spoke with my MIL about it this morning and every time I talk about it I start to cry.  I've cried three times while typing this out.  I can't say that I am having a crisis of faith because my faith is probably stonger now than it has ever been.  I am having a crisis of parish.

My Funny Baby

Teddy has this face that he does when he wants us to laugh at him.  I don't know how to describe it except to say that he looks shocked.  It cracks us up every time.  The best part is how he knows that he is being funny and laughs at himself.

40 Days for Life

I really thought long and hard about whether or not to write this post.  I know that there will be a fair number of people who will disagree with what I did, but it was such a powerful experience that I thought that I should share it.  All I ask is that we all be respectful.

I recently joined the group 40 Days for Life.  It is a Pro-Life groups that is trying to spend the last 40 days before the election focusing attention on the abortion issue and trying, through prayer and demonstrations, to stem the number of abortions happening in this country.

I've been Pro-Life for a long time, but ever since having kids and getting involved with abused and neglected children I have become even more ardent in my beliefs.  I am not however simply "pro-birth."  Based on my pro-life beliefs, I think that if we are going to ask women to give their babies life, we need to be willing to help support those children and help the mothers even after the baby has been born  But I digress.

Anyway, like I said, I joined 40 Days for Life, but I was quite scared to actually participate in any activities.  It is one thing to be Pro-Life.  It is quite another thing to put those beliefs on display especially in such a public way.  I prayed for strength, but was gripped by fear.

This Monday I had an appointment near where the 40 Days for Life folks were set up.  I saw them on my way to the office and honked my horn in support.  After my meeting, I felt that it was time to put my money where my mouth was.  I got out the stroller and the kids and I joined the demonstration.  It was an absolutely powerful experience.

I spoke with the other women who were there and I felt like I was making a difference.  I felt that I had the hand of God supporting me and giving me strength.  As one of the women at the demonstration said, "I can do nothing, but through God all things are possible."

I will most definitely join the 40 Days for Life folks again.  Expressing my views on this subject, especially so publicly, is still a very daunting thing for me.  However, now I also know what an exhilarating feeling it is to stand up for what I believe in and let my voice be heard.

Quite frankly, I don't feel comfortable writing as openly and honestly about everything that I experienced because I know that this is such a divisive issue.  Fear is a powerful force.  Nonetheless, facing that fear and being heard is powerful also.  This is a small step in that direction.  It may be small, but it is a step.

Note to Self

Note to Me, Myself and I. 

I have to ask you.  What were you thinking taking the kids grocery shopping at dinner time yesterday?  Forget that you were hungry.  They were hungry and everyone was cranky.  It was a horrible idea and you got exactly the behavior out of the kids that you should have expected.  Learn from this experience and do not do that again.

However, on another note, even though you were surrounded by chaos on all sides, good job sticking to the family budget.  That Month of Nothing really seems to have done you some good.  You were like a cost cutting machine in that grocery store.

Your friend,
You

Dear You,

Thanks for the kind words about the budget.  I try to think of it as a challenge.  You know, like a game challenge, which makes it seem less like a hardship challenge.

I totally hear what you are saying about taking the kids to the grocery store at 5PM.  I don't know what came over me.  You know it has gone poorly and you have had to shout your child's name one too many times when not one, but two different cashiers say, "Bye Jack!" when you leave.

Yours Truly,
Me, Myself and I

After Two and Half Decades I am Finally Learning to Spell

Homeschooling is perhaps one of the best parenting decisions that Marty and I ever made for our family.  I know that it isn't for everyone, but it fits our family's lifestyle to a tee.  Plus, as a parent/teacher, it is a great way to pick up all those skills that you didn't get down the first time through school.

I was a good student.  OK, I was a pretty spectacular student.  I graduated 14th in my high school out of about 2,000 students.  From Kindergarten through high school I only received one C.  It was the in 2nd grade, second quarter and it was in Spelling.  I am a worthless speller and if Spell Check hadn't been invented I probably wouldn't have graduated from college because I would have spent so much time looking up words in the dictionary.

As a side note.  My mother was always telling me to look up words in the dictionary.  However, as a child this never made sense to me.  How was I supposed to look up a work in the dictionary if I didn't know how to spell it?  Just start at the beginning and read until I run in to the word I was looking for?  It all seemed terribly inefficient to me.

Back to the subject at hand.  My lack of spelling prowess was not helped by the fact that in elementary school I was pulled out of Phonics so that I could take a higher level science class.  For anyone who knows me well, you can see the folly in this decision.  I am definitely a Liberal Arts kind of gal.  Math and Science just are not my forte at all.  At this point, you are probably wondering how if I just made that bit up about being a good student now that I have told you that I was no good at Math, Science and Spelling.  You must be asking, "What were you good at?  Were you just paying off the teachers to get those grades?"

Anyway.  Now that I am homeschooling, I am finally getting the Phonics education that I missed out on in elementary school.  I am learning all these rules for how words are spelled and pronounced.  It is amazing!  For example, did you know that to make a K sound you use a "c" if it comes before an A, O, U or any consonant?  You use a "k" if it comes before an I, E or Y.  This is just fascinating stuff to me.

I am definitely not saying that my lack of Phonics education kept me from being a Spelling Bee World Champion.  I have had to look up three words while writing this blog entry because the Spell Checker said, "I have no idea what you are trying to say, but that just ain't a word lady."  Nonetheless, I am thankful that I am getting to pick this skill up the second time around.

A Day for Donuts and Pizza

This morning the kids woke up and declared that they would be having donuts and pizza for dinner tonight.  They've been looking forward to the completion of the 30 Days of Nothing and we told them that we would celebrate by allowing them to have whatever they wanted for dinner.  So donuts and pizza it is.

I have to say, 30 Days of Nothing really was not as hard as I thought it would be.  When we started the month, I literally would get heart palpitations every time I would think about it.  At first, I thought that I shouldn't tell anyone what we were doing because I was sure that I would fall off the wagon and I hate looking like a failure.  But I did declare my intentions to the world and now I am proud to say that I have made it.

I learned two major lessons this month.  The first was that we can get by, quite comfortably in fact, with far less than I thought.  Sure in a store there 100s of things that I would want to buy, but, if I just stuck to my list, by the time I got to the car I could hardly remember the thing that was calling to me in the store.  So in short, lesson one- Don't put it in the cart and you probably won't miss it.

The second lesson that I learned was that the generosity of others when you are going without can do amazing things for the spirit.  Sure I always knew that helping others made their lives easier, but I didn't fully understand the emotional component.  There were several times during our Month of Nothing when our friends or family would bring us a treat because they knew we were going without.  Sure I enjoyed what ever they brought, but more than that I was amazed at how loved I felt.  I hope that from this experience I will be a more generous person.

Finally, this isn't so much a lesson as a happy bonus.  I lost 5 pounds this month.  It seems that just sticking to the essentials and not keeping a bag of Kisses in the basement is a good way to get healthy.