To Baby or Not to Baby

With Teddy's 2nd birthday coming up, we've been having a few conversations about whether or not it is time to expand our family.  For the last two years, I've been, what's the word, oh yeah, baby crazy.  I insisted that this was not the end of the baby road for me.  I wanted to smell more baby heads, count tiny toes, wash itsy bitsy clothes, not sleep through the night for 6 or 7 months, breast feed till I felt like a human cow...I'm sorry, what were we talking about.

Now that Teddy is almost two and I can see an end in sight for diapers, hauling around enough equipment to make a sherpa sigh, sippy cups, cribs, stair gates, and teething, I'm starting to have second feelings about the whole baby thing.  Some of the changes are simple, like the fact that Jack can buckle himself in the car by himself or go outside to play with the big kids while I fold laundry.  Like how Teddy, while a precious baby, is becoming a great little kid.  He has personality and personality goes a long way.  Nicholas and Rachel can really help me with things now (although Rachel refers to herself as "A Brown Cinderella" so the help is not always without complaint).  Then there is the fact that if we had another kid we would have to buy another car, but the car thing is an entire post all on its own.

Which brings me to some of the bigger things.  Things that we want for our family.  There are places that we want to go and things that we want to experience that just a) become harder the more kids that we have and b) become more expensive and therefore less likely the more kids that we have.  I mentioned this to a friend of mine and her response was, "You are putting vacations and convience ahead of bringing another life in to the world."  Well, it is hard to feel like a good person when you say "Yes" to that statement.

Are we following God's will and plan if we say, "I really feel like my family is the right size.  We feel done with this stage and ready to move on to the next stage."  Are we supposed to stay in the baby years forever?  Is it selfish to say that we look forward to what is next even if it means letting go of something that was amazing?

I don't know if we are done-done having kids.  It's a big decision and one that we don't take very likely.  But, 4 kids feels nice in a way that 2 and 3 kids didn't feel done.

Comments

[Jen]

You know, I've had sort of the same turnaround in the last year or so. Jason had a vasectomy after our 4th was born, and I regretted that so very much... but now she is 2.5 and things are getting sort of nice. I'm excited about the times I might be able to do with the kids as they get older and there are no new babies.

Don't you think maybe God's Spirit moves you to want more children, or not? I mean, I have no idea, but I wonder if the feeling of peace about your family size COULD be the prompting of the Holy Spirit. And I think as long as you don't do anything permanent to limit your family size (which, since you are open to the idea of adoption, isn't so much an issue) you are certainly remaining open to the possibility of another little one eventually... if you are prompted to expand your family.

Regarding your friend's comment, I think if one spouse wanted another child and the other spouse's argument against another child was for greater comfort and convenience, that might be selfish. But if both partners are in agreement that you like your family size right now, I don't think you are bound to bring another life into the world.

This is just my take. I do agree, in theory, with the idea of allowing God to determine one's family size, but I think it's possible God is speaking to you and your husband through the peace you feel about your family right now.