I am really feeling lost without Jean. Everyday something happens that makes me think of her. Either it is a song that we used to laugh about or one of the kids does something that I want to tell her about or there is some political thing happening that I want to complain about. It's a hundred little things all day long. Like pin pricks on my skin. Not so bad that I can't get through the day, but constant and painful. Eventually, the pricks and pokes become too much and I just have to let it all out. Then it starts all over again.
Because of this crazy life we have, she was one of the few people who I could be completely honest with. I knew I never had to censor myself or worry that what I said would go beyond us. We had a vocabulary that comes with being friends, real, true friends for a long time. Sure, she used to drive me absolutely nutty when she would try to finish my sentences...literally. I used to have to say to her sometimes, "Do you want me to tell you or do you want to keep guessing?" Still, she was right sometimes.
I visit her Facebook page several times a day and have to stop myself from going over every picture. The photographs lie because in them she is so full of life and it is incomprehensible that the person in them is gone. Jean lived every moment of her life. She really lived it. She knew that people and shared experiences were the secret to happiness, not things.
Not long ago, Jean sent me a meme telling me to write 16 random things about myself. For anyone else, I would have just hit delete. I really don't like those sort of e-mail forwards. But for Jean I did it.
As I was trying to wrap my brain around living without Jean (still a completely foreign thought), I thought that I would turn the tables on her and do 16 Random Things about Jean.
