Since the news broke regarding now former Gov. Spitzer's involvement with a prostitution ring, much has been made of the fact that his wife, Silda Spitzer, was standing by his side during his initial press conference. To further belabor the point, the media has been showing pictures of the wives of other fallen political leaders standing by their man so to speak: Hillary Clinton, Suzanne Craig, Dina McGreevey, Wendy Vitter, ect. It is unfortunate that because of someone's job, what would normally be a private matter, infidelity, becomes a very public affair. However, I do not question for one moment why these women are there standing beside their husbands at their most venerable hour.
Maybe it is because of my role as a political wife, but I can only imagine how devastating something like this must be. Probably the two things that you have worked the hardest at in your entire life, you marriage and your husband's political career, are torn apart in one moment. There may only be one name on the ballot, but running for office is a family affair. I am confident that Silda Spitzer put in as much work as her husband to make him governor. Which makes his betrayal the deeper.
Whenever I hear commentators question why Mrs. Spitzer was standing next to her husband, I find myself yelling at the radio, "You don't understand. She is a political wife." Most things in a political marriage are public and on display. These woman have stood by their husbands during wins, losses, and everything in between. I would venture to guess that there was very little question in their minds as to where they would be standing during a press conference in which an elected official admitted to wrong doing. It is part of the package deal to stand by your mate. Whether you agree with them or not, you are part of the package, a fact that all of these woman knew.
Besides that, why wouldn't she stand beside her husband? Just because he has broken his vows does not mean that she has broken hers. Marriage vows are "for better or worse," not "unless it gets too hard, too embarrassing, or too public."
Often these women are referred to as "scorned," "betrayed," and "victims." They are called fools for standing by their husband. Their role, according to pundits, is one of "damage control" or "image improvement." The marriage is seen as disposable and the bond between husband and wife, however strained, is cheap and easily replaced.
Should these women be absolutely furious with their husbands? Without a doubt. Should they feel hurt? Yes. Is it a devastating revelation? Without question. Is it hard to find the trust, love and friendship that was the basis for the marriage early on? No doubt about it. Does it mean that the marriage should be left out on the curb with last nights left over chicken? Not necessarily.
Our marriage has never suffered a betrayal of this magnitude and I have faith that it never will. However, like most marriages, there have been tough times, but we worked through them. Marriage is work. It might be some of the most important work to which you can dedicate your life. Do partners fail each other? Everyday. Sometimes it is something small and sometimes it is earth moving devastations, but it is how a couple reacts to these situations that determine whether or not the marriage will survive.
When I see Silda Spitzer standing next to her husband, I don't question why she is there. I question why everyone else questions why she is there.
